Clumsiness is next to dogliness

There is only one excuse for clumsiness: a medically diagnosed motor neuron deficiency. If you think you are clumsy then you should get yourself checked out for a motor neuron deficiency that is recognised by the World Health Organisation. If you don't have one, then you must just be a ham-fisted spatially unaware twat.

Some people think that being clumsy is sort of cute. Clumsy people usually push this notion with their ditsy laughs and their "oops, I've done it again" demeanour. But alas, it's not at all endearing. It's quite annoying. Don't you get annoyed when a friend brings a clumsy dog into your house? Even if it's some kind of King Charles puppy cross-bred with love and flowers you're still going to get annoyed when the thing knocks over your lamp and drags your cables around your house. So why do people have to behave in such a fashion?

So, this is an open letter to all clumsy fools urging you to take note of where your body parts are at all times and what space they may occupy in the near future. Apply things like reason and logic to your movements. Familiarise yourself with concepts such as gravity and inertia and hopefully the world will be a better place.